Broken Spectrum

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Wonderful writing here by Jorge Vinson. Spoiler Alert: Sharing personal stuff… So, for a long time I’ve struggled with a lot of things in life. One the hardest struggles was figuring out where I belong, or where I fit… Never understood why I felt so different, or “not normal.” Why some called me weird or why my emotions (or lack thereof) were so difficult to deal with, and understand… it led me to a lot of really dark places… I found out it was because I’m on the Autism Spectrum (more specifically, Asperger’s Syndrome; even though it isnt called that anymore apparently) after having learned that I believed I found, or could potentially find that piece I felt I was missing. And it was rough at first, things got darker, and I became even more lost due to the criticism I had received, and the opinions I heard… like: “you don’t look autistic to me” or “you’re just antisocial, but definitely NOT autistic,” or “you are just depressed” and the best one “nah that’s definitely a misdiagnosis”… I didn’t know how to feel about anything. But now, I feel I’m at the beginning of self acceptance and understanding of why I am the way I am… and even though I hit a lot of speed bumps, I’m at the point where its time to be kinder to myself… I may be terrible at understanding people, their emotions, my emotions, and what I go through on the inside, and maybe I dont fit in anywhere, but I refuse to let it bring me down. Gonna make my own place to fit in… I made a self portrait to try and visualize what it was like to go through the ups and downs, thinking I was crazy at one point but it turns out…it is all me. And me is okay… I call it “Broken Spectrum” Not because I’m broken, or the ASD spectrum is broken…but because I want the stigma broken. Because they are all me.

 

By Jorge Vinson

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